I have work to do today. My duty, as a matter of fact.
I make my way to the platform, joining the other commuters. We wait for the train.
I join them in their vacant stares, looking at points that don’t exist.
My face is blank but my fingers are alive as I lift purses from bags too surprised to shut their mouths.
I know who to relieve of their burdens.
It’s in their stance and clothing.
The rich ones don’t want all this extra stuff. They look so overwhelmed by their material possessions already.
And I’m happy to oblige.
Later, I will use whatever cash I’ve collected to buy some bourbon.
And watch some TV.
If they only knew that it was I, who cleansed their souls and lightened their burdens, they would thank me.
Personally.
Real Toads – The Unreliable Narrator
August 31, 2019 at 9:18 pm
This is almost believable… and I do love the compassionate thief (though it might be his excuse) it can be really challenging to write fromt he criminal point of view…
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August 31, 2019 at 10:47 pm
A true challenge. It goes to show that we’re hardwired to be on the side of ‘good’
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August 31, 2019 at 11:20 pm
You have done this so cleverly. The justification, the narrative voice, is so real.
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September 1, 2019 at 3:21 pm
Thanks Sherry!❤️
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September 1, 2019 at 4:21 am
You have done this so well. the narrative voice and the thievery. Poor rich people needing to have their souls cleansed. glad they can be obliged! 🙂
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September 1, 2019 at 3:19 pm
Thanks Toni!
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September 1, 2019 at 7:40 am
This poem is reminiscent of Simon Armitage’s ‘Hitcher’ or Carol Ann Duffy’s ‘Education for Leisure’, except it’s not violent and your unreliable narrator is not a sociopath. Having recently been on the tube between Stratford and Waterloo, your poem gave me the creeps, especially the lines:
‘I join them in their vacant stares, looking at points that don’t exist.
My face is blank but my fingers are alive as I lift purses from bags too surprised to shut their mouths’ (great personification)
and
‘If they only knew that it was I, who cleansed their souls and lightened their burdens, they would thank me.
Personally.’
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September 1, 2019 at 3:19 pm
Insightful! Thanks Kim!
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September 1, 2019 at 9:23 am
Perfect crimes, them all, Vivian. My favorite line, “The rich ones don’t want all this extra stuff. ” I heard that tune tweeted just this week. Fixed income retired people need what they can get.
I street man in Key West told us that the rich need to let the poor use their expensive homes the 50 weeks a year that they were not there. He wasn’t hearing that they WORKED hard for getting where they were.
This was a nice read, you can tell it got me going.
..
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September 1, 2019 at 3:18 pm
I’m so glad you enjoyed it, thank you 😊
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September 1, 2019 at 9:34 am
Very well done, Viv!
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September 1, 2019 at 3:17 pm
Thanks Kim!
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September 1, 2019 at 6:07 pm
Picks your pockets and gives absolution for greed. Face blank but fingers alive almost feels as if the hands are an entity that work entirely of their own accord. I loved this and was completely drawn in.
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September 2, 2019 at 9:12 am
Thanks Lori 🙂
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September 1, 2019 at 7:10 pm
IlLove all the elements of this, no remorse, no guilt as he justifies his actions.
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September 2, 2019 at 9:11 am
Thanks Linda :)…he’s obviously slightly mad
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September 1, 2019 at 7:56 pm
Such a brilliant take on the prompt, Viv! ❤️ The closing gave me goosebumps 🙂
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September 2, 2019 at 9:10 am
Lol! Thanks Sanaa!
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September 2, 2019 at 3:58 pm
Compassionate thief, or twisted logic…either way this is a great poem!
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September 2, 2019 at 4:35 pm
Thanks Susie!
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September 4, 2019 at 6:52 am
Like others, this piece left me thinking about the thief – saint or crook? are these rationalisations or a true belief; why is it that the drinking & the TV make a difference? Would it be different if the stolen money went to the poor or fed a hungry child? : Very unreliable this narrator of yours (and thought-provoking piece)
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September 4, 2019 at 5:38 pm
Thanks for your feedback, Peter. I’m glad you liked it 🙂
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September 12, 2019 at 1:40 am
Observing people on the NYC subway is very interesting – so many different types of burdens. I often wonder what people see when they look at me…
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September 12, 2019 at 2:04 am
Lol!! I’m sure you don’t want to know! Thanks for dropping by 😊
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September 12, 2019 at 3:10 am
Brilliant!
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September 12, 2019 at 7:46 am
Thank you 🙏🏾
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