So, I’ve been working on (and nearly finished editing) Smiles Under Pillows. This is the part I absolutely detest. Anyhow, I’ve been struggling with a foreword and have scrapped several ideas; nothing seems to work.
So, I decided to turn my Foreword into a poem. I’m putting this here for some serious critique- after which I may/may not make revisions.
These words were the only way I could express (with simplicity) what a smile means (for me).
Tugging corners in silent speakmy smile is my armour for when I am meekLifting my face and wrapped in demisea bitter smile escapes to shield my eyesWhenever my thoughts turn to youa sweet smile emerges to mask the bluesAnd when my tears gather, lips quivering in dismayI pull a smile by its corner to chase them all awayIn moments past, my heart flamed with firegiving my lips their utmost desireStill, I smile- come what mayand again I’ll smileeveryday
©Vivian Zems
Poets United- Poetry Pantry #491
Smell The Coffee 
August 25, 2019 at 2:23 pm
I like it! A smile can light up someone else’s world & make the one who smiles feel better as well. I like the idea that sometimes a smile can force tears away.
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August 25, 2019 at 2:43 pm
Thanks Mary😊
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August 29, 2019 at 11:41 pm
Thanks Mary! I hope you’ll like the finished copy 😊 It’s free until Saturday .
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August 25, 2019 at 2:56 pm
I love it. Especially, when lips are quivering, pulling a smile by its corner.
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August 29, 2019 at 11:40 pm
Thanks Sherry! It’s only fitting that I give you the finished product 😊
It’s free until Saturday.
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August 25, 2019 at 3:06 pm
What a lovely smile you paint
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August 29, 2019 at 11:38 pm
Thank you (big smile 😃)
And this is the only way I can thank you! It’s free until Saturday.
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August 25, 2019 at 4:44 pm
Smiles are free and pretty. Give them out and the world will be great! thanks for this poem. it is all true.
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August 29, 2019 at 11:37 pm
Thank you 🙏🏾And here’s a freebie for your perusal 😊
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August 25, 2019 at 5:01 pm
The balancing upon the smile as a common part of your day and yet as meaningful and powerful as a daily habit was compelling.
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August 29, 2019 at 11:36 pm
Thank so much for your feedback. Here’s a freebie (till Saturday) for you. 😊
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August 25, 2019 at 5:16 pm
This is how a smile can work… and the process of trying to smile in the face of decay is what might turn it right. It is hard to give a constructive criticism without having read your book, but I can see a book where ordeals are overcome in the process of smiling… (and it helps to have a good dentist for that doesn’t it?)
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August 29, 2019 at 11:35 pm
Thanks Björn! Maybe you’ll be able to critique better with a free copy? It’s free until Saturday 😊
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August 25, 2019 at 5:53 pm
“And when my tears gather, lips quivering in dismay I pull a smile by its corner to chase them all away,” sigh this really touched me to the core .. beautiful 🙂
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August 29, 2019 at 11:33 pm
Thank you Sanaa! May I be so bold as to give you a free copy? (Free till Saturday)
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August 25, 2019 at 6:02 pm
As Bjorn said, I don’t know the content of your book, but I’m wondering about a smile that is not shield or armour and that has no blues to chase away. One of those spontaneous smiles of genuine joy or inspiration. Again, that may not be part of what your book is about though. I really like your poem here!
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August 29, 2019 at 11:30 pm
Thank you for your feedback. Your curiosity is at an end! Here’s the freebie (free till Saturday)
Amazon US-
Amazon UK-
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August 25, 2019 at 8:45 pm
A smile certainly will make the wo=ld better. I don’t have to know the contents of your book to know I like this poem with its rythms and rhymes
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August 29, 2019 at 11:28 pm
Hi Toni! Your curiosity will be satisfied by this freebie ( free till Saturday)😊
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August 25, 2019 at 8:50 pm
Still, I smile- come what may
and again I’ll smile
everyday
Such a stand to the world – smile away, it is only you who can gift it
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August 29, 2019 at 11:19 pm
Thank you! And here’s the gift to you!
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August 26, 2019 at 12:54 am
Smile are infectious and are good to catch but frowns make one wary so get out of that patch. It is always a delight to visit your blog.
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August 29, 2019 at 11:20 pm
And a pleasure to have you here- and to also read your work😊
By the way, the book’s done and free at the moment- here it is. My ‘thank you ‘
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August 26, 2019 at 2:41 pm
I’m afraid I’m a dissenting voice here. I usually find your short pieces tightly crafted and telling me something new – but not this one.
For me, somehow the rhyme and metre seem to work against the poem, in that I notice them more than the meaning. The mixed metaphors make some of the meaning hard for me to follow anyway. For instance, I don’t know what these lines mean:
Lifting my face and wrapped in demise
a bitter smile escapes to shield my eyes
I am being too literal-minded and unimaginative, perhaps, but ‘wrapped in demise’ is an odd way to use the word ‘demise’; also you that would mean you are wrapped in death, but the poem seems to suggest something not quite so serious. And trying to figure out how the bitter smile can shield your eyes strains my understanding of facial anatomy.
Do you actually need a foreword? The title of the book is intriguing and gives some sense of what the poems are likely to tell us. Why not let them speak for themselves without further introduction?
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August 26, 2019 at 2:44 pm
*also that would mean
(Tried a few ways to express this before finding what I hope are the right words.)
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August 29, 2019 at 11:17 pm
Hi Rosemary!! I took your advice and tweaked it a bit. It’s free until Saturday on Amazon
Thanks again ❤️
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August 26, 2019 at 3:48 pm
Hi Rosemary, thank you so much for this. I like that you dissected it this way.
With these lines:
Lifting my face and wrapped in demise
a bitter smile escapes to shield my eyes
-what I’m trying to say is that when in the kind of state that would elicit a bitter smile- such a smile would shield the look in my eyes
I’m thinking ‘distress’ might make more sense.
Re: foreword or not- I feel like I want one- or else I’ll pout …and pout (smiles)
I appreciate your honesty and I’ll be staring a little harder at this poem.
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August 26, 2019 at 5:18 pm
I like your poem and appreciate Rosemary’s critique. I think distress is a better word. But other than that, I disqualify myself as being able to give you constructive criticism. I still, after all these years, feel I’m merely visiting the world of poetry. I don’t have the knowledge to critique you as an expert.
Nice of you to ask for input. That takes courage. I know you’ll make the best decision and the book will express YOU.
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August 26, 2019 at 5:26 pm
Thanks Myrna, i think of poetry like art. So what one eye sees, the other doesn’t.
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August 26, 2019 at 5:27 pm
And thank you for your support 😀
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August 29, 2019 at 11:22 pm
Hi Myrna, thanks for your input. I don’t have diamonds, but I have the final free( till Saturday) for you to download
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August 27, 2019 at 2:03 am
Wow you are prolific! And I really like the idea of a poem as a forward. I do have to ask if the collection is going to all be about heartache and pretending things don’t hurt when they really do. Otherwise, the poem might feel a little confusing as a forward.
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August 29, 2019 at 11:15 pm
There is a perverse joy in my stumbling through poetry 🤭. It’s free until Saturday – if you feel like torturing yourself 😅
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