What to say about negative criticism? The very definition of criticism has negative connotations- so how much more the ‘negative’?
There’s the delivery, and the receiving, of negative criticism. We’re all different, so there’s bound to be a myriad of reactions.
Obviously, I can’t depict every scenario here but perhaps by highlighting my experience, you- dear reader- will be able to appreciate that personality type plays a large part in this subject.
I’ve never minded other people’s opinions of me- counting them as ‘fantasy’. ‘Water off a duck’s back’ is the all-encompassing term I would use. Perhaps because I don’t consider myself an authority in anyone else’s life, I’d find it bizarre if someone actually had something negative to say about me. I can’t relate to this in the slightest and quite frankly it says everything about the critic.
I do have exceptions though- and that’s family, work and annoyingly, the tax man. With family, I’ve tended to ‘adjust the volume’ according to who is doing the talking; speakers with good intentions will be heard loud and clear and vice versa.
At work, I’m open to negative criticism, as it has the potential of making me better at what I do and now, this includes my writing as well.
Where my stoicism crumbles is when I listen to that tiny voice in my head. Self-criticism, is a powerful force that can propel or devastate in equal measure. It’s on this battleground that my attention is at its keenest.
But,,,and this is a BIG BUT. I’ll consider entertaining negative criticism from anyone who is willing to take on my struggles, walk in my shoes, fight my demons, and pay my ALL bills.
©Vivian Zems
August 17, 2019 at 12:42 am
I just read your closing to my Piano Man and he burst into laughter. You see, not that long ago a writer friend nearly had a panic attack–no joke–when someone at a convention said some really unkind things about her last book. I was shocked, not by the unkind idiocy of the “critic”, but by my friend’s reaction. “You don’t even know that person,” I said to her. “And more importantly, that person doesn’t know anything about. Why are you crying?!”
I mean, I understand getting upset (we all do and anyone who says they feel nothing when someone destroys their word-babies is probably lying *or dead*). But to allow someone to break our backs with words they haven’t even elaborated on is a bit nuts. And we should pick our nuttiness with care.
By the way, if you ever find someone who pays your bills in exchange for negatively criticizing your books, introduce me! 😀
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August 17, 2019 at 1:24 am
Oh i love this! Awesome! And i agree we are likely our harshest critics, right? Thanks for reminding me of that. This made me chuckle. Loved it.
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August 17, 2019 at 7:43 pm
Thanks Sherry 🙂
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August 17, 2019 at 1:42 am
Perfectly said.
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August 17, 2019 at 7:42 pm
Thank you!
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August 17, 2019 at 2:48 am
I don’t think anyone could be more critical of my work than myself. I really have to turn down the volume sometimes and let it be what it is.
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August 17, 2019 at 7:42 pm
I know exactly how you feel.
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August 17, 2019 at 4:58 am
Yes, perfectly said. My self criticism is enough to carry. I am all for critique, but being ugly just to be ugly..no thank you.
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August 17, 2019 at 6:51 am
Thanks Susie 😊
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August 17, 2019 at 9:46 am
Your opening question is pertinent, Viv, and I agree about the delivery and receiving of negative criticism, and the myriad of reactions that depend on personality; and I so identify with your point about self-criticism.The final paragraph is so well said!
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August 17, 2019 at 7:41 pm
Thanks Kim
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August 17, 2019 at 1:46 pm
*snicker snort* They can be as critical as they like of any book I’ll write from here on in if they pay for my kids’ college tuition too. 😀
I do agree that the internal critic is often the loudest and worst. Outside critics are often amateurs compared to that one.
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August 17, 2019 at 7:41 pm
Loooool! That internal critic drowns out all voices.
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August 17, 2019 at 4:31 pm
I love this Vivian- And it is so true!
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August 17, 2019 at 7:40 pm
Thanks Linda!
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August 18, 2019 at 1:23 am
Oh yes, self-criticism can be the worst enemy!
And I love your personal take on ‘walk a mile in my shoes’.
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August 18, 2019 at 12:42 pm
Thanks Rosemary!
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August 18, 2019 at 5:47 am
“I’ve tended to ‘adjust the volume’ according to who is doing the talking; “….Love this….so very sweet and perfect.
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August 20, 2019 at 8:16 pm
Thanks Sumana 😊
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August 18, 2019 at 10:59 am
I like your ending a lot. It reminds me of this quote, ““You can’t understand someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.”
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August 18, 2019 at 12:36 pm
So very true, Khaya 🙏🏾
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