I was watching a youtube video last week, where the actor Terry Crews was reciting the story of his childhood. I was so shocked at what he was saying that I actually dropped my phone! How did Mr Crews know my story…how?…what?…where? And then it dawned on me that this story must have repeated itself in different forms, in different lives…across the ages. But the story was essentially the same.
Recovery from domestic and emotional abuse ( with its mental health consequences) is a many-layered process. Dealing with the shame of ‘allowing it to happen’ or anger at oneself for letting the kids down can prove difficult to deal with. There’s a constant worry (even fear) of being ‘found out’ as ‘the poor victim’…but that must be pride talking. It can’t have escaped you, dear reader, that I can’t/won’t personalise this….not just yet.
There’s still a lot of courage and life-building in play here and thus far, diving headlong into my inky passion has proved to be fruitful. I hope to be able to stand on the face of fear -permanently; so I can be of use to to others in the same position.
Signing off now….. Viv
Poets United– Phobias and Fears …prose
May 6, 2019 at 2:58 am
That was a very moving video. I love Terry Crews and him stepping up and telling his story will reach a lot of people I’m sure. Testimonials and education are so important in the battle against domestic violence. Educating the police and the judges is VITALLY important. I used to work in the court system and see a lot of these domestic (divorce) cases get sent to mediation to avoid having to go to a trial. What was so frustrating is that in domestic violence household there is a huge power imbalance and mediation is NOT recommended for these relationships. What happens is the batterer bullies the target and often appears to be the “calmer” party and the target appears to be “unstable”. What comes out of it is a lot of BAD parenting time arrangements. Sorry for going on and on, but this topic is very important to me for many reasons.
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May 6, 2019 at 11:54 am
I hear you and thankfully, here in the UK – mediation is not an option in domestic violence cases- for this same reason of imbalance.
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May 6, 2019 at 5:37 pm
UK courts are way ahead of US courts, thank goodness.
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May 6, 2019 at 3:30 pm
“And then it dawned on me that this story must have repeated itself in different forms, in different lives…across the ages.” It has definitely. But days are changing. Women are able to come out of the spell of financial dependence and social stigma to some extent. Though domestic violence are still prevalent in many parts of the world. A very poignant write.
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May 8, 2019 at 7:18 am
Thanks Sumana🙏🏾
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May 6, 2019 at 4:38 pm
I understand why you dropped the phone. When I watched the video, when I heard the first few words… I wanted to punch something. Physical abuse is a eater of souls. I’ve some of the strongest people I know break to pieces, while recalling what a fist did to someone they love, to them… It makes me insanely angry to see the shame in their eyes, to know that it will take a long time for them to learn–to truly believe–that it wasn’t their fault, that there was little they could do.
I’m right with you, in the last few sentences. Rebuilding our lives is a gift we give to us and can share with others. And inking the hurt (and the mirth… eventually) is the best therapy.
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May 8, 2019 at 7:18 am
Thanks Magaly… love your insight into this ❤️
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May 6, 2019 at 5:36 pm
I grew up watching my mother being beaten, and it impacted the rest of my life. So I resonate with your story. The good thing is we created lives for ourselves that broke the pattern. Writing the pain helps others to process theirs. Thanks for sharing this, Vivian.
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May 8, 2019 at 7:17 am
Thanks Sherry ❤️
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May 6, 2019 at 5:48 pm
Oh, Viv! This is one of the tragedies a child can witness. But the heartbreaking thing is the shame victims often carry from such abusive relationships, as if it was their fault. You put it well here “shame of ‘allowing it to happen’ or anger at oneself for letting the kids down can prove difficult to deal with.”
I like though your ending, it’s hopeful. Facing that fear and sharing your story is the best gift you can give to others who find themselves in the same situation. Writing is the best therapy, keep at it!
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May 8, 2019 at 7:16 am
Thanks Khaya! I’m on it!
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May 6, 2019 at 7:24 pm
This is something that really touches the heart… how it can affect both mother and child… I cannot understand how anyone can do anything like that… I doubt I could ever hit anyone… I know people said I should hit back at the bullies, but part of me still is glad I never learned to hit no matter how angry I was….
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May 6, 2019 at 8:56 pm
Truly a subject that affects so many. i am glad you are diving into writing and finding some healing. A moving story for sure Vivian. Thank you for sharing it with us.
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May 8, 2019 at 7:15 am
Thanks Carrie❤️
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May 6, 2019 at 11:11 pm
Domestic violence occurs at every economic level. I have been writing my way to healing from my childhood sexual abuse. Keep writing..It will help you speak your joy, sorrow, fears, anger…whatever you need to say, to release. Big hugs dear lady.
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May 8, 2019 at 7:15 am
Hugs 🤗! Thank you. And the same to you. It’s the haunting that’s the worst.
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May 7, 2019 at 2:37 am
Thank you for sharing the video, but mostly for sharing your story. Unfortunately, it’s one that happens too often. I hope writing brings healing and positive change.
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May 8, 2019 at 7:14 am
Thanks Myrna….. I’m all about positivity now😀
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May 7, 2019 at 7:45 am
Dearest Vivian my heart went out to you when you indicated that you had experienced this yourself. I do hope now you have got over that and living a life of your choosing free from such stress and hurt.
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May 8, 2019 at 7:11 am
Absolutely! On the mend😔
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May 7, 2019 at 2:13 pm
What a powerful, powerful video….and a reminder of the many people who are experiencing this on a daily basis or who grew up with it and are trying daily to overcome what happened in their growing up years. I commend you for writing about it, for your courage, for your standing on the face of your fear!!
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May 14, 2019 at 10:49 pm
Thanks you, Mary 🙂
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May 7, 2019 at 8:04 pm
You are a strong, beautiful and courageous woman, Viv! ❤️ I think domestic violence should be taken very seriously by the law and court! It’s something that scars the person dealing with it.
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May 8, 2019 at 7:08 am
Too right, you are
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