Revise That Haiku

in the moonlight,
the colour and scent of the wisteria
seems far away

© Yosa Buson (1716-1784)

radiating moon
wisteria’s beauty veiled
beaming jealousy

©Vivian Zems

a mountain village
under the piled-up snow
the sound of water

© Masaoka Shiki (1867-1902)

a gurgling brook
a village in the mountains
buried under snow

©Vivian Zems

Carpe Diem haiku Kai Weekend Meditation #24

Vivian Zems

Mum, author and dentist is how I describe myself. I love creating pictures from words. Sometimes a painter, other times a weaver- words are my tool; trying to create something beautiful. When I was nine, my dad introduced me to audio books. I was hooked. With his guidance, I fell into a world where words became life simply by weaving them together. So here I am, living out my passion- reading and writing! Enjoy the ride with me 😁😁

Author archive Author website

March 18, 2018

Haiku, Poems

Carpe Diem Weekend Meditation #24, revise haikus

4 thoughts on “Revise That Haiku”

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Baigneur des Bois
March 19, 2018 at 4:42 am

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This really worked for you! The second haiku is dramatic, with vivid imagery, sound, emotion, but the first…sumptuous!

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rivrvlogr
March 19, 2018 at 2:30 pm

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Both are excellent, but especially the first.

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Chèvrefeuille
March 19, 2018 at 8:43 pm

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Awesome. You revised these beauties in very nice way. I love them both. You did a great job.

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- Vivian Zems
  March 19, 2018 at 11:39 pm
  
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  Thanks, Kristjaan
  
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